Lady Felicity Katherine Hainge

The funniest thing that has ever happened to me actually happened to my friend, the Lady Flic. I will tell you what it was, but it's  really not possible to appreciate the comic effect of this incident without having been there, so expect to be disappointed by what actually happened. 


I was in Flic's bed (as you do) whilst she sat on the bed moisturising her feet. We were both in pyjamas, and there were inevitably large glasses of wine involved somewhere, somehow. It's also worth pointing out that at this point in my life and for reasons I can't be bothered to re-visit, I hadn't found anything particularly funny for quite a while and was in a bit of a thought-bog regarding life in general. So - the scene is set. And for reasons that are no longer clear to me (perhaps due to the large glasses of wine ...?), Flic got up and jumped lightly off the end of the bed (perhaps to get more wine. Yes). However, having just moisturised her feet, they kept moving once they hit her carpet and she disappeared from view with a massive crash and failed to reappear - at least, not from my vantage point under the duvet. This simple accident was enough to catapult both of us into absolute hysterics. I was, for the first time in weeks, laughing so hard I was simultaneously crying and finding it difficult to breathe, whilst Flic, conversely, was laughing so hard she was unable to cry despite the fact that was what she really wanted to do. Have you ever laughed like that? When you just can' t stop, even though you know you should because your best mate is lying on the floor with a sore arse and a bruise like a plum growing on her elbow from where it hit the bed frame on the way down? When just the merest hint of a thought about the thing that's just happened makes you double up in hysterics because it's so funny, and the thought that actually she might need some help, an ice pack, or at least a chug of wine and a fag is just irrelevant because you're so busy laughing? That is how humorous that incident was. I am actually laughing to myself now. Hahahaaaaahaha. Hahaha. Oh Christ. I told you you wouldn't understand.


Now the reason this story was brought to you is basically because the Lady requested an entire post all about her. I don't want you thinking that she is self-obsessed and vain; she isn't by any stretch. She just likes my writing for some reason, or at least when I'm on form (her words). There are many things that she can do that I can't, or (more annoyingly) that I can do but not quite as well, such as flute-playing, lager-drinking and child-rearing - her little boy is definitely my favourite, and would definitely have grown up to be a ragamuffin had it been my maternal skills being put to use. But I can write, especially when it's about something completely un-academic and something as enjoyable as writing one of my best mates. And without sounding foolish and happy-clappy, one of the few people who know absolutely everything about me and can tell me I'm being a knob jockey without receiving a cold stare like most people would. (I'd love to be able to say 'punch in the face' but I'm not the violent type. I fight with WORDS, man.) She knows what is good for me and isn't afraid to tell me - which I appreciate very much, as do all of her mates (and I really do mean that in a good way!). She's also the only person I know who, when asked for a random suggestion of something for me to write about, says "ME". So hopefully I've risen to the challenge! And, yes, I know it's been a while since we talked about it... about 4 months, actually. I wrote the first draft pretty much straight away and then sort of got distracted... I'd like to say I've been busy, but whilst this definitely isn't a complete lie, I have found time to watch an awful lot of shit on YouTube and even an entire episode of Antiques Roadshow since the suggestion came up, so - sorry. It's no excuse really.


So this is my present to her, and to you - if you find the Story of the Slippery Feet as entertaining as we do. If you don't... well, never mind. I hope she will. :) xx